


super secret

by i_was_human



Category: Lost in Translation (Webcomic)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bands, Angst, Artist Junsu (Lost in Translation), Family Feels, Gen, Junsu (Lost in Translation) & Kang Dongho | D.Min are Brothers, Kang Dongho | D.Min Rolled a 1 On Communication, M/M, Multi, No beta we die like mne, OT4, Secrets, like uh day6 band
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:29:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26586655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/i_was_human/pseuds/i_was_human
Summary: See, the thing is-when Dongho doesn't think things through, then bad things happen.(joining super secret will never be one of those, though.)
Relationships: Ahn Jaewon | Wyld & Junsu, Ahn Jaewon | Wyld/Kang Dongho | D.Min/Kim Daehyun/Lee Minsoo, Junsu & Kang Dongho | D.Min
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	super secret

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: you were beautiful♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

In the beginning, it was Dongho's idea.

Jaewon was curled up in the back, drumsticks clutched in his hands and red-rimmed eyes squeezed shut, and Daehyun ran his fingers through the elder's hair, lower lip gnawed to bleeding.

"Let's wear masks," Dongho said, gaze pinned on the flickering lights in front of them. "If Jaewon's afraid of people seeing his face, then let's just wear masks."

Minsoo reached over to clasp his hands - fingers rough from the bass - and Dongho gave him a fleeting grin, gaze drifting back to the road.

Funny, how he was the only legal adult in the car. 

Eighteen, seventeen, fifteen, and fourteen - they started young and grew slowly but surely. They grew _together_ , grew from nothing into SUPER SECRET - an idol band that sold out stadiums.

They grew from friends into boyfriends.

They grew into the masks, changed them up for each comeback. They grew into their personas - Su, D.Min, Wyld, and Dae - and they _hid_.

It's easy to do with enough practice.

Time slipped by, and things changed - change, as they always do. 

Jaewon doodles on his drumsticks, selling each pair at the end of the month for charity.

Minsoo dyes his hair silver and tips it with rainbow - a moot point, since the masks hide their hair as well, but it's less for the stage and more for his home life.

Daehyun grows into himself, growing into their guitarist and main singer just like they all knew he would.

And Dongho-

still doesn't sing.

It's fine. This is fine.

(it's not as fine as they like to pretend it is.)

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: dance dance♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

It's hot under the mask.

Minsoo gazes out at the crowd, lips curled into a grin, and he can feel a bead of sweat roll down his cheek from where his hair is trapped under the fabric.

 _God_ , though, is he tired of hiding.

They haven't addressed it again since they first put their masks on - haven't wanted to make Jaewon feel bad - but god, if Minsoo doesn't ache something _desperate_ to be able to take off the mask.

His gaze flits to his side - Daehyun has his eyes shut, he can tell, even with the mask on - and he steps forwards, a decision already made in his mind.

Call it recklessness.

Call it selfishness.

But as Jaewon's drums build up to the chorus, Minsoo grabs his mask and yanks it off.

The world turns a thousand times louder without the oppressive fabric - or maybe that's the fans - but Minsoo laughs, high and breathy and _free_ , and he leans back into the mic to sing his verse, raking a hand through his sweaty hair before turning back to the bass.

(if he looked, he'd see something like horror in dongho's eyes.

if he looked, he'd see jaewon's fear, see daehyun's quasi-exhilaration, see the shockwave his action has set in motion.

but he won't.)

The song comes to an end with one last strum on Daehyun's guitar, and Minsoo leans forwards to grab the mic, a laugh spilling over his lips before he can stop it. 

"Hey out there!"

The crowd roars in response, and Minsoo laughs once more, gripping the mic as tightly as he can. 

"My name's Lee Minsoo! Are you ready to rock tonight?"

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: stop the rain♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

Jaewon's drawing on his drumsticks.

Dongho watches, eyes narrowed, as Minsoo flops into the couch, a long sigh escaping his lips. "Man," the leader sighs, throwing his head back and relaxing into the cushions, "that was _brutal_."

"What the hell was that, Minsoo?" Dongho snaps, and Minsoo frowns, raising his head to blink wearily at him.

"Huh?"

"You couldn't have _told us_?"

"Well," Minsoo frowns, "to be fair, I didn't know I was doing it until I did it."

Dongho stares at him, a silent sort of helplessness in the way he raises his hands, and Minsoo scowls. 

"Well, you don't have to be a dick about it."

"Wh-"

Jaewon presses the tip of his pen into the wood even harder, as if that'll make the argument disappear.

"This isn't _being a dick about it_ ," Dongho snaps, and Minsoo rolls his eyes. "You can't- you can't just _do that_!"

"And what do you have to hide?"

"I don't-"

This is his fault.

Jaewon scribbles even harder, black bleeding across the wood, and tears sting the corners of his eyes as the argument picks up.

"Why do I need to be _hiding something_?"

"We've been doing this for _years_ , Dongho-"

"And it's been _fine_! Nothing has to change!"

"Maybe I'm sick of hiding!"

This is all his fault.

"You _don't get to make that call_!"

"Well, if I talked it out with you, of _course_ you'd say no!"

"So _why did you do it_?"

"I brought coffee!" Daehyun grins, pushing open the door with a case of coffees in hand. "What'd I miss?"

"Nothing," Minsoo and Dongho chorus, and Daehyun frowns before shrugging. 

"'kay. Do you want your coffee now or later?"

Jaewon puts the pen down, and he stares at his sticks for a moment - the bottom halves covered in angry dark scribbles - before he picks it back up, painstakingly turning the jagged lines into gentle flowers.

Public image is important, after all.

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: when you love someone♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

The next time they have a concert, Daehyun pulls his mask off.

Jaewon's looking - can see the way Dongho's smile goes _brittle brittle brittle_ in an instant - and watches as Minsoo bounds over, slinging his arm over Daehyun's shoulder and laughing, high and delighted and _free_.

Daehyun's hair looks horrible, sticking up in odd places due to the mask, but the sparkle in his eyes is real - almost painfully so - and Jaewon feels that harsh sting of _guilt_ once again.

He's holding them back, isn't he?

A hand falls on his shoulder, and he twists, gaze landing on Dongho. The keyboardist stands over him, lips curled into a small grin, and Jaewon smiles despite himself as he pulls a marker out of his pocket and hands it to him.

Drawing on his hands, drawing on his sticks - it doesn't make much of a difference to him.

"You've gotten really good," Dongho notes, and Jaewon nods, pulling the cap off with his teeth. "Has someone been teaching you?"

"I have an artist friend," Jaewon grins, and Dongho pulls the cap from between his teeth, tucking it into his pocket. "...you don't blame me for the masks, do you?"

"Of course not."

Dongho's lying to make him feel better, Jaewon knows, so what does it say about him that it's working?

"Alright!" Minsoo shouts, and Dongho pats his shoulder once more before drifting off to his keyboard, lower lip pulled between his teeth. "Are you ready to rock?"

Jaewon looks at Dongho - his jaw set and hands tense - and then at Minsoo and Daehyun, who look freer than he's ever seen them.

His cowardice is holding the group back, he knows.

They'd be happier if he wasn't such a coward, he _knows_.

But-

Jaewon's always been one to freeze when he's scared, and this is no different.

He twirls his sticks around his fingers before clicking them above his head, and the resulting din drowns out his mind.

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: colors♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

"You ever considered getting a tattoo?"

Jaewon shakes his head, and Jun frowns, marker drifting over the redhead's forearm.

"You should. I have a few."

Jaewon's gaze falls to the numbers on his wrist - _021992_ \- and then drifts back to the swirling flowers Jun's scrawling on his arm, the marker tip cold against his bare skin.

"...what are the numbers for?"

"My older brother," Jun mutters, twisting Jaewon's arm to the side to connect a vine. "Haven't seen him since I was ten."

"...oh."

"He's probably dead somewhere," Jun continues, pulling his lower lip between his teeth as he works on a petal. "Mom threw him out after she saw him kissing a boy."

"Oh."

"Bet she regrets that now," Jun snorts, and Jaewon's gaze drifts to the date on his other wrist - _021496_. It's softer than the other one - gentle swirls instead of harsh lines - and Jaewon supposes that's fitting. "I mean, at least he didn't leave by choice."

"You did?"

"It was Hyuk or her," Jun shrugs, "and I'm always gonna choose the one who isn't asking me to."

Ah.

"But yeah," Jun continues, lifting the marker and capping it. "Haven't seen him in ages. It'd be nice to see him again."

Jaewon nods, gaze dropping to his arm, and _wow_.

"You're amazing, Jun-ah!"

"Thanks," Jun mutters, gaze drifting to his own inked arms. "You're welcome."

"Thank you."

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: stop talking♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

"Wow," Minsoo breathes, staring at the swirling vines around his forearms. "This looks amazing, Jaewon!"

"Thanks," Jaewon beams, and Dongho winces at it - how soft and vulnerable and _desperate_ he looks. "I've been practicing a lot, so..."

Minsoo pulls on his stage jacket and rolls the sleeves up to his elbows, lips curling into a smirk. "Man, it's nice to not have to wear those masks anymore."

Jaewon flinches, smile freezing on his lips, and Dongho digs his nails into his knees. "Can you not?"

"Not what?" Minsoo asks, and Dongho shakes his head.

"Nothing. Never mind."

"No, no, what did you mean by that?"

Jaewon shrinks into the couch, hands fumbling with his sticks as he hurries to uncap his pen.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe we're not all comfortable taking our masks off?" Dongho snaps, and Minsoo's brow twitches. "That maybe we wear these for a _reason_?"

"Why don't you ask Jaewon, then, instead of assuming his position?"

"This isn't _about him_."

"You're still embarrassed to be seen with us?"

"That's not- that was never it."

Minsoo folds his arms over his chest, eyes sparking with irritation. "Then what is it?"

"You don't understand," Dongho sighs, and Minsoo shakes his head.

"Because you won't _tell me_. You won't tell me why you won't sing, you won't tell me why you're wearing the mask - do you even care at all?"

"You wouldn't understand-"

"Stop _fucking saying that_!"

Minsoo's hands ball into fists at his side, brows scrunching together with irritation. "Stop telling me I won't understand things, Dongho! I'm not- I'm not some _child_!"

"That's not what I _meant_ ," Dongho stresses, and Minsoo's fists clench tighter. 

"Then what did you mean, _hyung_?"

Dongho flinches - just barely - at the honorific, a simple term turned into a weapon.

It's been _years_ since Minsoo called him "hyung" aside from when he was joking or sick, and to have it used as a weapon now...

it _aches_.

It aches in the part of him that clings to memories of days long-gone, clings to memories of a small boy with brilliant eyes and a forgotten voice, and each and every time he hears that, he remembers.

( ~~where is he now?~~ )

"You _can't_ understand," Dongho stresses, and the sentence means something very different to each of them.

To Dongho, it means empty halls and laughter and a boy's touch searing his skin, means cold days and colder nights and never-ending change.

To Minsoo, it means yet another instance of being treated like a child despite being an adult.

"Sure," Minsoo scoffs, pushing past Dongho and heading for the hall. "Talk to me when you're going to treat me like an _adult_."

"Min..."

Dongho stares at him, raw _hurt_ flickering in his eyes for an instant before it disappears into careful blankness, and Jaewon watches as he heads to his keyboard in the corner of the room, taking a seat and running through a few parts.

Coping.

It is what it is.

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: i wait♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

"So..."

The interviewer leans forwards, and she's the kind of person Dongho hates - plastic, manufactured, with a too-bright smile and phony lines she recites from memory. "We're all _dying_ to know who Wyld and D.Min are behind their masks... can you talk a little bit about that?"

"Well-"

"We'd rather not," Dongho cuts in, and Minsoo turns, withering glare apparent even with a mask between them. "It's personal, you see."

"Then why did Su-ssi and Dae-ssi take them off?"

"I was tired of hiding," Minsoo simply replies, and that answer is so harsh, so _pointed_ , that Jaewon actually flinches.

The interviewer must pick up on the discomfort, since she steers into safer territory - questions about the writing process, questions about the lyrics - but Dongho's heart plummets as she touches on the _second_ of their two things they Do Not Talk About.

"So - and I'm asking for _all_ SECRETs here - why doesn't D.Min-ssi sing?"

"I don't like to," Dongho simply replies, and he doesn't need to look to see Minsoo's nails are digging into his knees.

"Why not?" the interviewer presses, and Dongho's about to respond when Jaewon beats him to the punch.

"Hyung doesn't think he's a very good singer."

Oh, Jaewon - sweet, sweet, naïve Jaewon. Saying that is an _invitation_ , not a refutation, and Dongho _doesn't want to give them anything_.

But Jaewon's always hated keeping secrets, even if he understands the purpose of them, so something as small as this is something Dongho should've known he'd share.

Well.

Small to them.

( _ ~~"only do things you're absolutely sure about, dongho. otherwise you'll make a fool of yourself. you're just not that talented, you see?"~~_ )

It's not small to him.

"I'm sure it can't be that bad!" the interviewer laughs, and Dongho shakes his head.

"I'd rather not."

"But-"

"I'd rather _not_ ," he repeats, a bit harsher, a bit firmer, but he's oh-so-sick of the same song and dance, so sick of having to reiterate what he's said hundreds of times before.

Look before you leap, and _wait_. Only jump if you're one hundred percent positive something's going to catch your fall.

Dongho only does things he's certain of, and that's worked fine for him so far.

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: where the sea sleeps♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

See, the thing is-

when Dongho doesn't think things through, then bad things happen.

He tried to take singing lessons, and his mother told him he'd never be good at anything because he _wasn't talented enough_.

He brought Jihoon back to his home without thinking about it, and his parents threw him out.

He went back to see Junsu too soon, and his father called security on him - and then, when he was lying on the floor with a black eye and split lip, his father bent down over him and told him he was _nothing_.

Was nothing.

Is nothing.

And then-

he went out in public without a mask on. 

Just once.

And the very next day, news came out that his mother and father were looking for their "missing son", and that they "oh so desperately want to find him".

There's a reason Dongho dropped the "Kang".

His friend's parents - the Lins - they're more of a family to him than his own flesh and blood ever was.

(except junsu. junsu - still frozen in his mind as that eight-year-old child-

he'd be daehyun's age.

he'd be daehyun's age, and he's probably forgotten all about his older brother - the failure, the mistake, the one thrown out of the house and erased from the books-)

But.

There's a reason he hides his face.

After all, the Kangs are businesspeople, and they know how to _ruin_.

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: where the sea sleeps♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

On Dongho's birthday (not that they knew it) everything goes to shit.

The eldest is incredibly reticent about his past, but that doesn't stop Minsoo and Daehyun from trying to pry it out of him anyways. 

Of course.

Dongho stares at the board game, dark eyes dull and lifeless, and Minsoo leans over to poke his cheek, lips pursed in a frown. "Dongho. It's your turn."

"Mm," Dongho hums, non-committal and oddly distant. "Right."

"...are you okay, hyung?"

It's Daehyun that asks it, quiet voice trembling with fear, and Dongho nods, a quick, jerky thing.

"Fine."

That detachment is disappearing, Jaewon notes, replaced with a kind of controlled panic.

What's happening?

"You don't look okay," Minsoo points out, eyes narrowing to slits. "Why won't you tell us what's happening?"

"It doesn't matter."

"It doesn't- _do you hear yourself_?"

"It doesn't matter," Dongho repeats, and Jaewon doesn't miss the way his voice shakes. "I'm fine."

" _Dammit_ -"

Minsoo grabs Dongho's jacket, slamming him into the couch, and Daehyun cries out, racing across the room to grab Minsoo's wrists. "Hyung-!"

"Stop _lying_!" Minsoo shrieks, and Dongho stares at him, eyes wide and shining with something Jaewon can't quite place. "Stop- stop _lying to me_!"

"Hyung!" Daehyun shouts, wrapping his arms around Minsoo's waist and trying to haul him back. "Hyung, stop!"

"Why the _fuck_ won't you _talk to me_?" Minsoo screams, thrashing in Daehyun's grip. "Why are you _hiding from us_? What the _fuck_ are you _hiding from us_? We _love you_!"

Dongho stares at him, horror reflecting in Minsoo's eyes, and before the bassist can make a move, he slides off the couch and races for the door, throwing it open and disappearing into the night.

And Jaewon-

can only stop and stare.

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: like a flowing wind♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

Once he arrives at _Coffee Temple_ , the mood is similarly dismal.

Jun's leaning against the counter, pencil behind his ear and gaze pinned on the sketch in front of him, and Jaewon taps against the display case to announce his presence, concern washing over him as Jun slowly raises his head.

"We're closed," the barista simply states, thumbing towards the door, and Jaewon blinks, momentarily thrown.

"Jun-ah...?"

"Oh," Jun murmurs, seeming to focus on him for the first time. "It's you, Jaewon-ah."

Jaewon doesn't correct him on the "hyung" - it's a lost cause. 

"Who's that?" he asks instead, and Jun's gaze falls to the paper, hurt flickering in his eyes.

"...my hyung. Or, well, how I imagine he'd look."

Jaewon stares at the picture for a moment, taking in the slanted eyes, the sharp jaw, the slightest hint of a smile - and all the breath leaves his lungs.

"Your hyung- what's his name?"

"Dongho," Jun slowly replies, and Jaewon stares at him, eyes wide. "Why?"

Jaewon fishes his phone out of his pocket, thumbing it open and heading for his photo app. He taps on a photo of Dongho he took the other day and places his phone on the counter, gaze flitting between the sketch and the photograph.

They look almost exactly the same.

"Holy shit," Jun breathes, eyes widening as he stares at the twin images. "I- holy _shit_."

"Yeah," Jaewon whispers, watching as Jun's hands shake against the counter.

"Can you- can you call him?"

"Sure," Jaewon nods, scooping the device off the counter and tapping over to the elder's contact. He taps call, places his phone on the counter once more, and waits.

_Ring... ring... ring... ring..._

_"...Jaewon-ah?"_

"Hyung," Jaewon breathes, "do you have a brother?"

_"What?"_

That is one hell of a thing to start with, Jaewon supposes.

"Because my friend - Jun-ah - you look a lot like his brother that disappeared when he was a kid, so-"

_"Did you say Jun?"_

"Yeah. Why?"

_"...what does he look like?"_

"Black hair, tattoos, slanted eyes-"

"You're Dongho?" Jun cuts in, and Jaewon doesn't need to see him to know Dongho's nodding. "Silence doesn't _mean anything_."

_"Yeah, I am. Who are you?"_

"...Kang Junsu."

There's a long moment of silence, during which Jaewon is sure he's made a mistake. Dongho's family name is _Lin_ , not Kang, so this _must_ be a mistake-

_"I'm coming."_

The call beeps to signal its end, and Jaewon raises his head, bewilderment shining in his eyes.

"Your full name is _Junsu_?"

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: i smile♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

Dongho's feet pound against the pavement, a myriad of thoughts whirling through his mind as he grips his phone.

_"Black hair, tattoos, slanted eyes-"_

( _"look, hyung! there's flowers on my hands!")_

_"Silence doesn't mean anything."_

_("hyungie, i can't tell what you mean when you just frown like that!")_

_"You look a lot like his brother that disappeared when he was a kid."_

_("don't you dare contact junsu again!")_

It can't be. 

It just-

it _can't be Jun_.

He slows to a stop outside a pair of glass doors, and his gaze drifts to the interior, landing on a pair of men.

Jaewon, yes, and the mysterious Junsu.

Jaewon's description was accurate, he thinks, watching as the man scratches the back of his neck. Slanted eyes, a sharp jaw, tattoos up his arms and neck...

it looks exactly like how he'd imagined his younger brother.

He pulls open the door, taking a step inside and letting it fall shut behind him. And _oh_ , the man looks even more like his brother in this light, dark eyes wide and searching as his lips part slightly, and so Dongho does the only thing he can think of.

"You have a scar on your knee," he whispers, and Junsu - _Jun, his little brother_ \- stares at him, eyes shining with something Dongho's willing to call tears. "You fell off your bike when you were nine and gashed your knee on the fire hydrant, and I had to carry you home-"

He raises his arms on instinct as Jun barrels into his chest, the younger man's arms wrapping around his back and face pressing into his collarbone. 

Oh.

"You got caught sneaking out when you were thirteen," Jun whispers, voice thick with tears, "and Dad screamed at you so loud I could hear it from my room."

If there was any doubt in his mind, it's gone now.

"Jun," Dongho breathes, and Jun nods against his neck. " _Jun-_ "

Neither of them express feelings through words, so neither of them try.

Every emotion - longing, relief, joy, _togetherness_ \- is expressed in that moment, Jun clinging to Dongho's back and Dongho's arms wrapped around Jun's shoulders.

They don't need to say anything.

The soft tears Jun sheds say enough for both of them.

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: shoot me♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

"You say you saw Junsu with a man who looked like him?"

Kang Mikyung folds her hands on the desk, dark eyes flashing as she stares at the man in front of her, and he withers under the force of her glare, barely managing to stutter out a confirmation.

If he entered this conversation unprepared for her, then that's nobody's fault but his own.

"Well," she muses, resting her chin on her hand, "isn't _that_ interesting?"

In hindsight, throwing Dongho out of the house wasn't the wisest choice. If he wanted, he could've pressed charges - not that he'd have the strength to do it - but the fact remains that they technically committed a crime.

Technically.

Mikyung's found that a lot of people are willing to overlook crimes with enough money. 

She taps her cheek with the pointed ends of her nail guards, gaze drifting to the photo on her desk. She doesn't particularly care for it, in actuality, and she only pulls it out when she wants to appear less dangerous than she appears, but today it's here for a different reason.

She stares at the boys in the frame - one laughing, one smiling - and her lips curl into a grin at the sight.

Oh, this is going to be perfect.

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: love me or leave me♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

Surprising nobody, things get significantly worse. 

Daehyun somehow manages to get laryngitis the day before a concert, so Minsoo proposes they switch parts for some songs as a way to surprise the fans.

Dongho is not a fan of this.

"What do you want us to do?" Minsoo demands, gaze drifting to the pair in the couch. "There _isn't another option_ , Dongho!"

"I'm not doing it," Dongho evenly replies, and Minsoo makes a sound halfway between a scream and a roar.

"This isn't- this isn't _about_ whether you want to do it, hyung, this is about the _fans_! You _have to do this_!"

Jaewon's scribbling on his drumsticks, Dongho distantly notes, the wood more black than tan. 

"I can't," Dongho repeats, the words heavy on his tongue - and _oh_ , Minsoo doesn't see how true that is, doesn't understand how achingly and overwhelmingly certain Dongho is that he _cannot do this_ , because to Minsoo, it's never been as hard as it is to him.

Minsoo sees it as what it is - putting words to a song.

Dongho sees it as yet another assessment.

"I can't," Dongho repeats once more, and Minsoo slams his fist into the armrest, eyes burning with fury.

"Do you even _care_?"

"Of course I do!"

"You don't act like it," Minsoo mutters, shoving past him and heading for the door. "Fucking forget it. We'll just cancel the show."

"I-"

"Hyung," Daehyun rasps, reaching up to place a hand on his shoulder. "It's fine. We'll just reschedule."

"I don't..."

It's a gap once more - a gap between desires and capabilities - and in that instant, ever getting back onstage feels like a hopeless sort of dream.

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: congratulations♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

Occasionally, if Dongho indulges his wildest fantasies, he's singing alongside the others.

But then-

those were always fantasies, weren't they?

He's packing up when someone knocks on the door, and he raises his head, bewildered. 

Nobody comes to their warmup room except them, and-

well.

Minsoo won't be coming to see him any time soon.

He rakes a hand through his hair, placing his case on the ground and heading for the door. "Hello?"

He shouldn't have done anything.

He should've just let the person walk away.

And _oh_ , he regrets his short-sight as soon as he meets his mother's gaze, her hair pulled into a severe bun and expression pinched in disapproval.

A decade and a half and that look's still the same as ever.

She's looking at him like he's made a mistake, like he's offended her by existing, like he's the same kid he was all those years ago, and _oh_ , Dongho wants to slam the door in her face, but she is Kang Mikyung, and she knows how to _ruin_.

"Mother," he stiffly greets, and she pushes past him, gaze drifting over the dressing room. 

"...I'm disappointed, Dongho-yah."

Of course she is.

"Why?"

Her gaze turns sharp, flint-like, and her nails drum over the arm of the sofa, nail guards tearing into the leather.

For a moment, Dongho feels a surge of irrational hatred.

"You never returned."

What he does next isn't thought out. It isn't planned, isn't meticulously examined and dissected for its many flaws.

What he does next is _erupt_.

"I _never returned_?"

His nails dig into his palms, hands balling into fists, and _rage_ \- caustic disappointment mixing with grief mixing with longing - bubbles up in his gut.

"You _threw me out_! You threw me out, and when I came back, your security beat me to a _bloody fucking pulp_! 'Never came back' - I _did_ come back, you fucking _bitch_! You lost _any_ fucking right to call yourself my parents when _your husband_ spat in my face and told me I was _nothing_! Parents don't throw their kids on the streets, you fucking monstrous, sociopathic, narcissistic excuse for a human being, and I want you to get that through your _fucking head_."

See, the thing about grief is this: when pressed enough, it turns to rage.

And Dongho's had _years upon years_ to tamp down his grief.

"Get out," he hisses, and Mikyung raises her head, gaze cold.

"No."

"Get out before I call fucking security. And stay the fuck away from Junsu."

"No."

"I wasn't asking."

"Ma'am," someone cuts in, and Dongho turns, gaze landing on a steely-eyed Minsoo, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"I'm _Kang Mikyung_ ," the woman - she's not his mother, hasn't been for years - spits, and Minsoo angles his head slightly. 

"I don't care. Dongho is asking you to leave, so _leave_."

"I-"

"Mrs. Karen," Minsoo repeats, voice saccharine-sweet, "I won't ask again."

"Don't call her that," Dongho states, and Minsoo arches a brow. "Just call her Karen. She deserves none of your respect."

Oh boy, he's going to regret this later.

Mikyung sputters, eyes widening, and just as she's about to step forwards, a pair of _actual_ security guards show up. They escort her out of the room, and as soon as she's out of sight, Dongho exhales, sagging into the couch cushions.

"Jesus," Minsoo simply states, taking a seat next to him. "Who was _that_?"

"My mom," Dongho wryly replies, and Minsoo clicks his tongue.

"What a piece of _work_."

"Yeah," Dongho exhales, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling. "I just yelled at my _mom_."

"Yep."

"I called her a monstrous, sociopathic, narcissistic excuse for a human being."

"Yeah."

"I called her a _bitch_."

"I've never been more proud."

"She's actually going to murder me. Literally. She knows hitmen."

"Your life was a worthy sacrifice."

"You're not helping at all."

"Thanks. I try."

**_☆♬○♩●♪✧♩now playing: kimi nara♩✧♪●♩○♬☆_ **

"Hey! The live is starting!"

"Ssh! Not so loud!"

Minsoo leans over Jaewon's shoulder to peer at the camera, lips curling into a grin. "People are starting to join!"

"It's almost midnight," Daehyun points out, frowning at the camera. "You guys should be asleep by now."

"How can they sleep?" Minsoo laughs, throwing his arms out. "It's the great reveal of D.Min's face _and_ vocals! Nobody should be sleeping on this momentous occasion!"

"I slept through mine," Jaewon mumbles, cheek squished against his knee, and Daehyun pats his shoulder. 

"It's okay, Wonnie."

"Ssh-ssh-ssh!" Minsoo hushes, staring at the screen. "It's starting!"

The screen swirls for a moment before an image pops up, and Daehyun squeals, yanking Jaewon into his arms and clinging to him like an oversized body pillow.

Jaewon... does not seem to mind.

"Wow..." Minsoo breathes as the first notes float through the speaker. "This is..."

They watch as Dongho leans against a window, backlit by a streetlight, and the camera cuts to a small boy on a bed, his hands shaking as he clutches a toy car.

Ah. It's his story, then.

"Wow," Jaewon murmurs, listening as the music swells. " _Wow_."

The video tells the story of a boy who liked boys, tells the story of a boy with controlling parents and a little brother he loves _so dearly_.

The video tells Dongho's story.

As the last note rings through the air, a soft tap echoes through the room, and Minsoo turns, gaze landing on a sleep-rumpled Dongho.

"What're you watching?"

"Dongho!" Daehyun cries, and the eldest catches the youngest as he flies through the air, wrapping himself around the keyboardist like a particularly determined octopus. "That was amazing!"

"Thanks," Dongho states, then frowns. "What was?"

"Your song," Jaewon smiles, and Dongho's frown deepens.

"You saw it?"

"You wouldn't let us hear it," Minsoo harrumphs, folding his arms over his chest. "What did you want us to do?"

Dongho takes a seat next to Jaewon, a small grin on his lips, and oh, he hasn't noticed the camera yet.

Oops.

"So," Minsoo states, gesturing to Dongho, "chat, this is Kang Dongho."

"Hey," Dongho simply states, raising a hand to the camera. "I'm Dongho, also known as D.Min, and I really wish the others had told me they were streaming, because I look terrible-"

"You look great!" Jaewon protests, and Dongho stares at him, visibly unimpressed.

"Anyways, _they_ need to go to bed," he continues, "so goodnight to everyone. Stream _Dewdrops_ , I guess."

With that, he turns off the stream, and scowls at Minsoo, hair flopping in his eyes. " _Minsoo_."

"Dongho," Minsoo cheekily replies, and Dongho sighs, raking a hand through his hair. "Y'know, when I heard you scream at your mom last year, I _never_ would've thought you'd make a song actively dissing her-"

"I," Dongho states, holding up a finger, "am too tired for this conversation. It is time for bed."

"Fine," Minsoo sighs, hauling Jaewon off the floor. "C'mon, Wonnie..."

Dongho watches them go, a soft smile on his lips, and as he ushers Daehyun to their bed, he can't help but think how glad he is that his mom's a piece of shit.

**Author's Note:**

> ssh i thought the formatting would be cool ok
> 
> also fun fact i forgot how to end this so have this month-long wip of disaster
> 
> it's lowkey iconic tho
> 
> also fun fact: a ton of stuff got cut. if you're curious, leave a comment. please leave a comment. they fuel me.
> 
> shoutout to jams for helping me with it
> 
> all in-fic songs are by day6
> 
> [twit](https://twitter.com/i_was_human_) | [lit fic discord!](https://discord.gg/CNunB74)


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